Newbie Guide to Martial Arts Doublespeak

When people say...
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They really mean...

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Japanese martial arts are the best.
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I practice a Japanese martial art.
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This art is thousands of years old.
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This style is decades old.
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The martial arts are about building better people.
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The martial arts are about sweat, bruises and money.
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Chinese martial arts are the best.
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I practice a Chinese martial art.
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High kicks are stupid.
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I can't do high kicks.
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Sparring is extremely important.
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I'm good at fighting and I like it and I can't do much of anything else.
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The martial arts are about building better people.
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The martial arts are about beating people up if they lay a finger on you.
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Korean martial arts are the best.
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I practice a Korean martial art.
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Breaking techniques are very important.
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We do a lot of breaking techniques.
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I don't believe in grades.
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Nobody ever gave me a high grade.
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The martial arts are about building better evolved characters.
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Like me.
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Filipino martial arts are the best.
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I practice a Filipino martial art.
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Sophisticated arts like Tai Chi and Aikido are far superior.
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Sparring frightens me.
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He's a good martial arts teacher.
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He's in my organization.
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He's a lousy martial arts teacher.
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He used to be in my organization but he broke away and I don't get any money out of him anymore.
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My style is the best.
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I don't know anything about any other styles.
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Grades are not important.
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There's a grading coming up and it's important.
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Breaking techniques are useless.
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I can't do breaking techniques.
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I'm an innovative, free-thinking, modern Western martial arts teacher, doing my own non-classical thing.
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I'm more interested in teaching than learning; and the Orientals ignore me because they know how ignorant I am.
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Martial arts politics are the necessary result of official recognition by respectable associations to protect the public.
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I belong to a large, well-established organization.
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I hate martial arts politics.
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None of the large, well- established organizations recognize me or have the slightest interest in my existence.
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In this system, we make the art fit the person.
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In this system, we make the person fit the art.
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Competitions are a waste of time.
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I never won any competitions.
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Forms or kata are the highest expression of the inner essence of the martial arts.
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I read that somewhere - and I've had enough of tournaments.
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Forms or kata are useless.
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Bruce Lee said forms are useless and this relieves me of a lot of effort, so go argue with him.
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One style is not better than another - it's the individual that counts.
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Don't go to another school - it's the style we teach here that counts.
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The techniques aren't important.
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The techniques are important.
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The principles are important.
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I wouldn't know what else to do with the principles so it's the techniques that are important.
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Bruce Lee didn't know what he was talking about.
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I don't know what Bruce Lee was talking about.
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Size and strength are not important.
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Size and strength are important, especially if you're fighting somebody who's bigger and stronger than you are.
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Science and leverage will always win out over bruce force.
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Except when he's bigger and stronger than you are.
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The purpose of the martial arts is spiritual development and liberation from the ego.
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I'm so humble and wise, it's terrific.
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This is really funny - but it's scary how many of these you hear from people, with the meanings like those above.

"Martial Arts Humor"

4 Comments:

MALS said...

OMG! That could not be more accurate! I can't wait to show this to my instructor, he'll think its hilarious.

Kishy said...

yes its true, at least i hear people saying those things and meaning another a lot but... its not ALWAYS true,

i like big organizations (i have been in small and big :P)'

he's a great instructor (he really is, and he's not my instructor anymore :C( )

but i must say martial arts is about bruises, sweat, blood, money and MUCH MUCH MORE, for me it was relief from depression and gaining a passion (SOUNDS LIKE SEX HAHA)

Andy said...

Nice xD And indeed pretty accurate.

Greetings,
Andy
http://martialsimplicity.blogspot.com

Nai Khanom Tom said...

wahahaha lol