Newbie Guide to Martial Arts Doublespeak

When people say...
=
They really mean...
------------------------------------------------------------
Japanese martial arts are the best.
=
I practice a Japanese martial art.
------------------------------------------------------------
This art is thousands of years old.
=
This style is decades old.
------------------------------------------------------------
The martial arts are about building better people.
=
The martial arts are about sweat, bruises and money.
------------------------------------------------------------
Chinese martial arts are the best.
=
I practice a Chinese martial art.
------------------------------------------------------------
High kicks are stupid.
=
I can't do high kicks.
------------------------------------------------------------
Sparring is extremely important.
=
I'm good at fighting and I like it and I can't do much of anything else.
------------------------------------------------------------
The martial arts are about building better people.
=
The martial arts are about beating people up if they lay a finger on you.
------------------------------------------------------------
Korean martial arts are the best.
=
I practice a Korean martial art.
------------------------------------------------------------
Breaking techniques are very important.
=
We do a lot of breaking techniques.
------------------------------------------------------------
I don't believe in grades.
=
Nobody ever gave me a high grade.
------------------------------------------------------------
The martial arts are about building better evolved characters.
=
Like me.
------------------------------------------------------------
Filipino martial arts are the best.
=
I practice a Filipino martial art.
------------------------------------------------------------
Sophisticated arts like Tai Chi and Aikido are far superior.
=
Sparring frightens me.
------------------------------------------------------------
He's a good martial arts teacher.
=
He's in my organization.
------------------------------------------------------------
He's a lousy martial arts teacher.
=
He used to be in my organization but he broke away and I don't get any money out of him anymore.
------------------------------------------------------------
My style is the best.
=
I don't know anything about any other styles.
------------------------------------------------------------
Grades are not important.
=
There's a grading coming up and it's important.
------------------------------------------------------------
Breaking techniques are useless.
=
I can't do breaking techniques.
------------------------------------------------------------
I'm an innovative, free-thinking, modern Western martial arts teacher, doing my own non-classical thing.
=
I'm more interested in teaching than learning; and the Orientals ignore me because they know how ignorant I am.
------------------------------------------------------------
Martial arts politics are the necessary result of official recognition by respectable associations to protect the public.
=
I belong to a large, well-established organization.
------------------------------------------------------------
I hate martial arts politics.
=
None of the large, well- established organizations recognize me or have the slightest interest in my existence.
-----------------------------------------------------------
In this system, we make the art fit the person.
=
In this system, we make the person fit the art.
------------------------------------------------------------
Competitions are a waste of time.
=
I never won any competitions.
------------------------------------------------------------
Forms or kata are the highest expression of the inner essence of the martial arts.
=
I read that somewhere - and I've had enough of tournaments.
------------------------------------------------------------
Forms or kata are useless.
=
Bruce Lee said forms are useless and this relieves me of a lot of effort, so go argue with him.
------------------------------------------------------------
One style is not better than another - it's the individual that counts.
=
Don't go to another school - it's the style we teach here that counts.
------------------------------------------------------------
The techniques aren't important.
=
The techniques are important.
------------------------------------------------------------
The principles are important.
=
I wouldn't know what else to do with the principles so it's the techniques that are important.
------------------------------------------------------------
Bruce Lee didn't know what he was talking about.
=
I don't know what Bruce Lee was talking about.
------------------------------------------------------------
Size and strength are not important.
=
Size and strength are important, especially if you're fighting somebody who's bigger and stronger than you are.
------------------------------------------------------------
Science and leverage will always win out over bruce force.
=
Except when he's bigger and stronger than you are.
------------------------------------------------------------
The purpose of the martial arts is spiritual development and liberation from the ego.
=
I'm so humble and wise, it's terrific.
------------------------------------------------------------
This is really funny - but it's scary how many of these you hear from people, with the meanings like those above.

"Martial Arts Humor"