The Top 13 Signs You've Joined the Wrong Martial Arts School

(Part II)

13. Your dojo's symbol is a bullseye target.

12. First demonstration consists of falling to the floor, curling into the fetal position, and whimpering pitifully.

11. Frequent pauses while instructor tearfully stops to right his spilled pocket protector.

10. The "gees" are used hospital gowns, and the "throwing stars" are just slices of old cheese.

9. The homework is always just to watch a Jackie Chan movie.

8. The techniques are only effective if your attacker is one of the Three Stooges.

7. Instructor's low fees enhanced by take from one-on-one "pop quizzes" in dark alleys.

6. Benihana has a restraining order against your instructor.

5. Local muggers gather in the parking lot waiting for class to end.

4. Current students bark out on cue the phrase "Insurance does not exist in this dojo!"

3. You take yourself to the mat 4 out of 5 times simply trying to tie your belt on.

2. Sensei's "ancient Chinese secret" required notifying the neighbors when he moved in.

And Number 1 Sign You've Joined the Wrong Martial Arts School...

1. Did Confucius ever really say he was "going to open up a can of whoop-ass" on someone?

Part I

[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]
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"Martial Arts Humor"

The Top 12 Signs You've Joined the Wrong Martial Arts School

(Part I)

12. Lesson 1: A guy who looks and sounds like Danny DeVito in a bathrobe points to a pile of concrete blocks and says "Knock yourselves out, Grasshoppers."

11. All the trophies in the display case appear to be altered bowling trophies.

10. Due to a misspelling of "Martial Arts" on the door, half the class shows up with vibrators and lotions.

9. Other students show up with sketchbooks.

8. Instead of belts, levels of prowess are denoted by colorful suspenders and co-ordinating ascots.

7. Although the Grandmaster's hands "move faster than the eye can see", you can still detect a fair amount of nose picking goin on.

6. The lesson keeps getting interrupted while the Master swaps french fry baskets.

5. As a student is wheeled out by paramedics, the instructor say "Class, name 3 things Alan did wrong."

4. You're pretty sure "Monkey Style" does not involve masturbati and throwing feces at your attacker.

3. You practice kicks on a stage while sweaty men stuff dollar bills in your g-string.

2. Spent the first eight lessons learning to talk while moving your lips in a seemingly unrelated manner.

And Number 1 Sign You've Joined the Wrong Martial Arts School

1. At the end of every class, your instructor says, "...or you could just buy a friggin' gun."

Part II

[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com ]
[ To forward or repost, please include this section. ]
[ You like to receive credit for your work, and so do we. ]

"Martial Arts Humor"