Martial Arts Humor: April 2008

Stupid Martial Arts Accidents/Embarrassing Moments Part I

This section taken from the responses on the rec.martial-arts newsgroup. No posts have been changed other than to make them anonymous.

A few years ago my instructor was demonstrating some hanbo (short staff) techniques with a fukaro (sp?) shinai. For those of you that don't know, this type of shinai is very flexible. Anyway, he was showing us a techniques that involved shifting to one side to avoid a knife strike while making an upwards strike to the groin. Needless to say, the shinai flexed a little more than he thought it would, catching his uke square in the gonads. Everyone laughs about it now, including the gentleman that got nailed, but I can still remember the surprised look on his face...
----------------------------------------once, as a mid-level kyu student in karate, i was holding a shinai hori- zontally for a brown belt to run and leap over. my grip was light, and as he crossed over, his toe caught the shinai, knocked it free, and as he began to land, it tumbled into a vertical orientation, whereupon he proceeded to impale himself in the jewels..|:O..i never knew how deadly a shinai could be...i always hold with both hands now. he's okay, but he won't let me forget it..;)
----------------------------------------My sensei is 62 and just had both knees replaced 6 months ago. He's really like a new man, and he MOVES again, quickly for a big guy. So one day, (since I am the senior assistant he demonstrates techniques on me) he's showing a punch roll (don't ask, it can't be explained in text) that is followed by a shoulder bar and then a knee to the face. Well, he's not quite used to the new knees yet and thier actually very lightweight. So as I'm going down, I feel this WHAM on the right cheekbone that is LITERALLY like being hit with a hammer. Turns out, his new knees are titanium and some polymer plastic and HARD AS HELL. Almost knocked me out.
----------------------------------------A friend of mine went to a karate tournament and was watching a men's senior belt kata division. One of the competitors began his kata, which involved motions done with dynamic tension (I believe the kata was Nisei shi sho). About five moves into the kata, the competitor just passed out! He hadn't been breathing properly during his kata and just keeled over. He was fine after a couple of minutes.
----------------------------------------Well, I once did a side kick in sparring when I wasn't very experienced, so I sort of "hopped" round to twist my hips over, taking the weight off my feet. Instead of flexing the foot I was kicking with I flexed the foot I was landing on (now THAT's malcoordination for you) and sprained my ankle. I went down on the floor and the sifu started to reprimand my sparring partner (who was considerably senior to me). Then I had to explain what had happened. Their laughter haunts me still...
----------------------------------------have one for you....During one class, Sensei called one of the senior students up to help demonstrate the next technique. Now this guy is know to be...shall we say miserly....so his gi was way past its prime and had shrunk until it was really too small for him. Sensei starts to demonstrate the technique which ended in a throw. I am so intent on the technique that at first I don't really notice anything except what Sensei is doing. But suddently, I realize that my husband who was sitting next to me is shaking so hard from laughter that he is about to fall over. I watched again and realized that the senior student's gi had slipped down on his hips so far that he was pretty much mooning us every time he was thrown. Pretty soon, the whole class was basically in tears from trying to hold in the laughing. I don't really know how Sensei kept a straight face! Anyway, needless to say, Sensei stongly recommended to him after class that he purchase a new gi.....
----------------------------------------One time I was a bit late rushing to a training session. I ran out into the garden and quickly grabbed my karategi. I made the class ok...but I managed to train for 10-15 mins with a white plastic clothes peg attached to the top-half of my karategi! My sensei - who spotted it- thought it was hilarious - luckily!
----------------------------------------I had a student, nick-named himself "Freight Train" Frank. Well, as most of the younger students liked to do before class, he would do running kicks to our 200lbs punching bad. One day, as I sat with my instructor in the studio office, we watched him cross the room, and we figured what was about to happen. He ran full speed across the room, put his head down, and proceded to ram the bag with the top of his head. The bad swung, the frame it was attached to pulled itself from the floor, and the whole thing went through the wall into the beauty supply store next door. We got bigger bolts for the frame that night. Oh yeah, Frank was fine. Just stood there and almost soiled his Gi, with the damage he caused and all.
----------------------------------------in a bar fight I watched someone apply Ude-osai, god I'm mangling the spelling today, or your common wrist lock from a lapel grab. I guess the guys snapped it on good, because when the person droped to his knees to avoid the lock he actually bouced his head off the floor knocking himself out. Very neat technique.
----------------------------------------The stupidest accident I've had was when I was a red belt in Taekwondo. I had seen a 2nd dan black belt hold a pine board in his left hand and neat as you please, he broke it in half with a right hand shuto. One day while practicing alone I decided to see if I could do the same thing. I was completely successful, but the top half of the board came off and flew right up and smacked me between the eyes, opening a fair sized gash, and leaving me with a nice goose egg. To add insult to injury, both of my eyes were blackened.
----------------------------------------A few eons back, we were practising the first kendo kata. The attacker cuts men (the top of the head) and the defender steps back, avoiding the cut, which swishes almost to the floor. I was defending, and I jumped back more than stepped. A certain sensitive part of my anatomy swung up as my opponent's sword came down. The downswing met the upswing, so to speak, and I was on the floor. Luckily, we were using shinai. This ties in to the underwear thread, because ever since then I've worn briefs under my hakama to prevent another painful incident.
----------------------------------------One of my instructors once, during a 'anything can and will happen' talk, told us about a particular grappling match in which he went twice attempted a cross body arm bar (jugi gatame?). The first time the sweat on the guys armmade him lose his grip as he was thrusting his feet into position and he went flying back about 8 feet or so. Later in the match he had the same opportunity, grabbed the arm and pulled, lost his grip and proceed to drive his finger up his own nose - which promptly began to gush blood everywhere.
----------------------------------------This reminds me of something in class I'd forgotten about. A small third dan (maybe he was a second dan then) was going to do a jumping roundhouse kick to a board held at head height of a tall second dan. The kicker tried once and kicked an inch or two too high on the board. He tried again and this time kicked an inch or two too low. Finally he jumped again, kicked right in the center and- the middle piece of the board went flat back against the holder's nose while he was left still holding the top and bottom pieces! "Punch out at the perforation!"
----------------------------------------I did something similar, I'm sorry to say. While still a white belt, I was throwing my (male) partner with ouchi gari (major inner reaping throw), but lost my balance while sweeping his leg. He fell on his back, legs spread, and _I_ fell forward between them, landing on his cup with my knee... you bet it cracked! The poor guy said he saw his life flash before his eyes. He was a good sport about the accident though (once the pain wore off), and proudly showed his cracked cup to people for about a month afterwards. My nickname for about a year in the dojo was "The Headhunter".
----------------------------------------We were doing a show for the Ontario Winter Games a few years ago. The opening ceremonies was being broadcast live on local television stations. One of our BBs was doing a break of two concrete slabs with his head. Unfortuantely, instead of htting with his forehead he hit with his face. He broke his nose and began to bleed all over the stage as the cameras did a close-up. Gotta love live TV :->
----------------------------------------The stupidest move ever performed in a tournament I was an orange belt at the time and had won quite a few tournaments. As a result, my ego was inflated much more than it should have been. I was fighting this guy frm Northern Karate in Toronto who was able to read people better than anybody I had every seen. He could predict the moves of someone so well that he had ample time to perform any block or whatever, the guy was phenomenal. Anyways, I was fighting in the final match against him and was down 2-0 (fights go to 3). I knew that I had no chance to best this guy, basics were not working so I decided to try something that had worked quite well in the dojo. I got some distance between us and performed a front roll, intending to come up into a jumping side kick (hey, it worked the one other time I tried it). Unfortunately, the guy did not step back but side stepped and placed his foot in my chest as I was starting to come up out of my roll. There I was back flat on the floor, foot in chest, and the guy grinning at me. I felt like a fool. What was worse is there was a girl from Northern, video taping the match. After that match I disappeared REAL quick. You know, have not tried that since.
----------------------------------------I've witnessed a woman break her own nose with a front kick above her head during a demo at a seminar. I almost wet my pants I was laughing so hard. Afterwards I heard her tell her instructor, "You didn't say _that_ could happen!"
----------------------------------------This one reminds of a student in our dojo. He was a yellow or oragne belt (don't remember) he had pick up a 3-sectional staff somewhere and was trying to figure out how to swing it. Nobbody in the dojo really knew how to use them very well so he was experimenting on his own in the middle of the dojo. Anyways, as he was swinging it on section swung up and struck him in the back of the head, knocking him out. After we brought him back to consciousness and dtermined that he was ok we left. Not 10 minutes later there he was again, face flat on the floor. He had knocked himself out again with the staff. Twice, in less than 30 minutes. This time we took him to the hospital tocheck for a concussion, luckily he did not have one.
----------------------------------------I was competing at a karate tournament last summer; for the first time my girlfriend, who is fairly apathetic about my budo madness, came along to videotape my matches. I really wanted to impress her so I had trained my ass off. When it came time to fight, I came up against one of these incredibly irritating asses who fights with his leg cocked up, jumping around on one foot. He was quick though, and caught me with his mae-geri front kick twice. Knocked me on my ass because my fighting stance at that time was very square and aggressive. Needless to say, I lost the match because my shots were deemed excessive contact (joke!). Sitting up in the bleachers, I was hoping that the guy would go on to win so that I didn't look like I was eliminated by some nobody. Up there, sitting beside Ange, I watched only half-interested until buddy came up. As we watched, he attacked with a penetrating front kick. The opponent side stepped and buddy went sprawling to the floor, hit his head on the floor, and knocked himself out. I got eliminated by someone who knocked himself out. As we walked out of there, the only thing more injured than his bald head was my rapidly deflating ego.
----------------------------------------I was doing a drill with one of the girls in my class where you were supposed to inside crescent kick a target hand of your partener. anyway, i don't know what the hell she was thinking but her 'arc' for the crescent ended up straight up between my legs...needless to say i collapsed in a big heap and didn't move for a little while.
----------------------------------------It was after class at night in the parking lot and I was playing with a heavy five foot staff, making passes over my head and behind my back as I turned in front of my friends.On end of the staff caught the ground as I was twirling away and it messed up my rotation but the speed of the staff caused it bounce up to meet my face in a lovely smaking sound! It was sort of dark but The blood spray hit one of my buddys about six feet away . Well they stiched my lip back to my face , about a half inch was hanging down in front of my mouth. That was a long night , ten stiches in my lip , lucky I have always worn a mustache, hides the scar real good
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Yes, an amazing amount of those ended up with people being nailed in the groin. Well, it's funny if it happens to someone else...

Kinda like standing in class watching someone else get mangled in a lock, and laughing and groaning at the same time while watching them grimace in pain...
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